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Most of my school days I spent off time hiding in the library or kitchen at the school, either writing information down out of Discreet XXX Dating older women sex Norman nm or helping the lunch ladies with the dishes Simply because I didn't want to be ridiculed by my peers. Which by the way was a daily occurence.

There is a reason I am the way I am. No one seems to understand that, partially because I think they don't want to and partially because I won't let them. I try to keep a barrier, so I don't get hurt, I Lonely mature women Lille Arden do, so its not much help I try to think of the other person and put their feeling first, which is why I don't like to yell or argue.

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I take the blame on a lot of things. I am tough enough to handle a lot of things.

You said I am selfish, I never have grasped the concept of those words It seems everyone always has to read into things, find the hidden meaning or make things into something they are not. I usually just say things outright. You say I play victim, maybe thats how it comes across, but maybe your reading into things again. Maybe the words I say are what I actually mean and feel. Thats why there is so much I don't understand about the way people work.

When I say I want to curl up in a ball and dissappear, I actually mean it, most don't. Most people I think want someone to feel sorry for them, tell them its going to be okay I actually literally want to run away, go somewhere and just be. I do not cry out for sympathy. I want to be selfish sometimes, just forget other people exist, just worry about myself I can't do it I have tried The only way Chicago lesbian club can shut Discreet XXX Dating older women sex Norman nm my feeling completely and it only lasts for awhile is to get raging drunk to where I just don't care.

Then it always comes back and gets me two fold for days and weeks and Discreet XXX Dating older women sex Norman nm on end. I beat myself up over being mean and ous. I am sorry I am such a confusing person to deal with. It's confusing for me as well.

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I want to love, I want to be loved, I want the security of having a person that will always be there for me. I just don't know how to modify myself Discreet XXX Dating older women sex Norman nm make it fit. I probably have severe mental issues and probably need years of counseling. I more than likely have things about my past that haunt me that have never been resolved. I probably don't know myself which causes me to not identify with others on a level that is understandable.

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